A different mood...

I guess this morning and I just really mad and was writing out of my back, to say! I am off of work today and need to try to get some things done, so why not get my car fixed, so yea. It is taking forever and a lot of money, err! Why can't money just grow on tree's? Have you ever wondered that? I guess it would be impossible because then it would have no value.

Anyway, here are a few things that I have been involved in for awhile....

www.twloha.com
www.socialvibe.com
www.invisiblechildren.com

These are websites that have my heart. I know that I am just a random girl placed here on this earth, with one small little voice that has been fighting to be heard for awhile now. there are things that a lot of people do not know about me. granted, i am nothing specail at all, I have been threw a lot. I have tried to kill myself, not once, but twice. Once in 8th grade... Once while I was away at college... My friends only know about that once in 8th grade. not going into the story but I want to make my voice heard and I want to help people. I have been dealing with Depression since I can remember, that is why most of my poetry is dark and will make you cry. I go to a place where I just sit and re-read some of my work, and wonder. Where did this come from? Who am I? or Who is this person who wrote such horrible things? Very few people have read my writings, for my own reasons I will be very selective on what I put here on this page....

With Invisible Children, I was first brought into meeting with such people and learning about this cause when I was away at school. I went to a Christian College and almost two years, and I have some memories that I will never forget, floor meetings, mission trips, study groups at steak n sake, and playing in the 'Jordan'. I met some amazing people who helped me wth alot, though my battle with my faith and my depression were the real reasons why I left. The best thing that happened to me at Lincoln is I learned how big this world really is and all of the different people and events that happen, every day! My way of thinking was questioned and I was hit hard in the face that things are not always candy coated and perfect. Like the little youth group high school world I used to live in. I was introduced to Gary Haugan, one person who is doing something that he believes in, if only I have that kind of courage! I dedicated my life to missions, and here I am, sitting here in the middle of this cornfield, not doing a darn thing with my life! Oh well, maybe I will figure it out someday, I'm only 25. I still have time..


So that's what has been on my mind this afternoon, sorry if I come off depressing, that's just a part of who I am....

There's always gonna be another mountain...

The title says it all......

I have had the pleasure of living with my father the last couple of moths, but hell... I am done! My father and I are a lot alike, my worst fear growing up was this by the way! I want to be nothing like him! He's unreliable and depends on me for fare to much! I just cannot do it anymore! nor do I want to do it. So this week, I'm moving out! back in with my mama. I have to do what I feel is right. I don't want to be in that situation anymore with my dad. He was never there for me or my sister when we were younger. I am a product of early childhood divorce. My sister, now married with the most amazing baby ever, has nothing to do with him! I did not want to be like her, but I fear that's what is going to have to happen. I have to move on.. things will get better, they usually do for me!

On another note, my car is getting fixed today, finally!!! I have loved driving my step dads car, lol!


Well this is just a rant of mine, nothing really to say other than hate on my father. I do not hate him though, but he annoys me so much!

Peace.

My goodness/ Irish Day!!

Well it has been a few months since I posted, crazy. So anyway, i started my youtube page, pretty much I am just doing random things and making fun of myself. Why you ask? Because I can and I really do not care! Hahaaa, excuse my attitude... that's just me!

I am so sick, I have been this whole last, like four days, almost a week. I have this cough and it is really annoying. I can't sleep and if I do I have to sleep sitting up. I haven't been to the doctor so thats why I think I'm not better. I have this fear of the doctor, well of my doctor. He's my family doctor and he loves to just push me away, well he's not the one pushing. I am not in a hurry to hear what's wrong with me! A couple of years ago I had a scary thing happen and ever since then I have been scared to check up on my health. You know, maybe if I don't know, it won't hurt me. If only it worked that way! I am getting better though, it has to just run it's course. Cough drops and nighttime cough syrup are my besties right now.


Okay, so my cousin Holly was home over this last week. She is so freaking fun! She lives down in Georgia with her hubby and she comes up a few times a year. We all miss her sooo much! Well we went out, us and two of her friends. OMG! We went down to the landing. If your from St.Louis you know what I'm talking about. At the Drunken Fish us ladies had a fish bowl, that is 64oz. of amazingness! After that we walked back across town it seemed to the car, in heels, in the rain! We came back across the river and hit a few local bars. I experienced my first Drag Show! It was awsome! A night that I am never going to forget! I promise you that. Though I didnt get to say goodbye to Holly after that night, I will see her again in a few months! I know she looks forward to coming home whenever she get's the chance!


So yesterday was St.Patrick's day. I am Irish on both side of my family. Hence the red hair and pale skin. Oh and by the way, I have tried and tried to get rid of my red hair, it just will not go away, no bleach or hair color will ever work for me! That's just a side note for you all. I had my corned beef and cabbage, for the first time. Pretty amazing too! I worked last night so there was no drinking of the ale. I was fetive and wore my green and my lite up shamrock earrings, lol!



So this was just alot of randomness today but oh well.....